Do I have an illness? I forgot to bring spoons for my oatmeal and yogurt to work with me today, so I had to use plastic ones from the community cutlery box by the sink. However, before I would use them, I washed them. With dish soap. And with a paper towel, because there was no way I’d use the community sponge. I know, I go to restaurants, and I don’t even want to think about what happens in the kitchen. But I’ve seen these people. I’ve never been in the men’s room, but I’ve seen the women come and go without using soap after they’re done in the bathroom. I don’t just use a paper towel to open the door to leave, but I also take out the last hanging paper towel, rewash my hands, and then take the next one, just in case someone touched that first one when she took hers. And now I won’t even use a brand new plastic spoon without washing it first. Seriously, is that abnormal?

The stairs outside my office have yellow “caution” tape around them. When I was walking down the grass past the stairs to get to the door, I was thinking, “I wonder who got killed on the stairs.” The answer is, surprisingly, no one. The only crime there is that the stairs seem to be getting fixed every six months, and it seems to take weeks for that to happen. In the meantime, I’m getting grass on my flip flops and my toes are getting dirty. And that’s the biggest crime of all.