Almost a month ago, my mother got a phone call from my brother and sister-in-law in Florida; my sister-in-law was in labor, so my mom flew down there the next day to be with my nephew (JP) and wait for the arrival of her newest grandchild. And so she waited. While JP was born very early four years ago, this little person wasn’t following in his footsteps. Every day I called my mom to see what was happening, and every day I got the same answer: no change, nothing yet, just the beginning stages of labor. About nine days after she flew down, the Sunday after Thanksgiving, I saw my brother’s name show up on my cell phone. Even though I had gotten the same “not yet!” response earlier in the day, I thought maybe he was calling me with some news. But when I answered, he told me some news none of us ever expected. Our mother had just found out that her sister had passed away.
I don’t know when this was taken, but I love it.
Aunt Aviva was two years older than my mother, the second of six children. She died suddenly and unexpectedly. And, obviously, we were all very shocked. And my mom had to fly back home from Florida so we could go to Syracuse to say goodbye to her sister and be with their mother (very thankful that my grandmother is a tough, strong lady). It was very strange to sit at my grandmother’s kitchen table for dinner without Aunt Aviva being there. Whenever I’ve gone to Syracuse to visit my relatives (at least from what I remember in my adult life), Aunt Aviva would be the first of my aunts to come to my grandmother’s house. She’d sit with us, always wondering what’s been going on, telling us the latest, greatest thing she saw on QVC, and, of course, challenging Miriam and me to our usual Boggle game.
Evidence! My mom found this when she went through pictures while sitting shiva. Similar to our last game at Rosh Hashanah, except for the Diet Coke next to me! I’d date this around freshman year of college (I think), 1997ish.
It’s been a real rollercoaster of emotions over the last few weeks. As I sat remembering my aunt and also waiting to be an auntie for the fifth time, I thought a lot about what my relationships as a niece and an auntie have been like. I think, especially when you’re grieving, you often think of all the negative things, all the should’ves and could’ves. All the bad things said and time wasted and regrets. On the other hand, when you’re waiting to celebrate an event like a baby being born, you try to think about the future, what the baby will look like and be like and so on. I was also thinking about what kind of aunt I try to be. I try to spend as much time as I can with my nieces and nephews; I don’t want to waste time. I want to be there for them when they’re kids and when they’re adults. I would like to think that, one day, maybe they’ll find a picture of us playing a game together and be as happy to find it as I was.
Again, so many emotions, which I’m having a hard time expressing. Probably because everything has been (or at least has felt) very jumbled. Because while we were all going through something so sad, we had also been waiting for a certain happy event to occur. So just a few days after her sister’s funeral, my mom flew back to Florida to, again, wait for her grandchild to be born.
SR, JP’s little sister, arrived on Friday, December 7. She’s healthy and beautiful. I’m heading down to Florida in a little more than seven hours to meet her! I can’t wait! And when I hold her, I’ll also think of Aunt Aviva, whose name is now this little baby’s Hebrew middle name. Like Rachel said to me a few weeks ago, circle of life.
September 11, 2010, in Gramma’s driveway
Number 3 (the Bird) is watching number 4 very closely (like a hawk, duh). She won’t go anywhere.
